Unplanned pregnancies account for nearly half of all pregnancies annually in the U.S., which means you are not in this alone. Many women have experienced the same fear and shock that you may feel right now, and many have the same question, “How do I tell the father?”.
Depending on who the father is, a husband, boyfriend, or casual partner, there are many different approaches for how you would break the news to him. Unfortunately, there is no one right way to do this, however, there are important things to consider before breaking the news.
1.Wait until you know for sure.
Though many at-home pregnancy tests are very reliable, it may be a smart idea to get
your positive result confirmed by a pregnancy testing center. Before arousing any false
fear or hope, you should be confident in the fact that you are pregnant. Don’t rush
yourself to tell the father, and aim to have this conversation after the initial shock of
finding out you’re pregnant.
If you’re looking to get a possible pregnancy confirmed, you can call our office to book an appointment for a free pregnancy test.
2. Create a space for conversation
Once your pregnancy is confirmed, be thoughtful and intentional about where and when your conversation will take place. Consider the father in this decision. Do you think he’d prefer to be someplace private or public? How much time will he need to process this info? Also consider your own preferences for where you would feel comfortable revealing the fact that you’re pregnant.
3. Be direct and honest.
Don’t beat around the bush. It may be hard to get out the words, especially if he’s the
first person you’re telling, but your conversation will be much more productive if you don’t
leave him guessing at what you’re saying. Make sure he knows the situation you are in
together so that he is informed enough to express his own thoughts and opinions. If you
are honest, you will give him a space to be honest as well.
4. Express your fears and concerns.
Tell him what you’re thinking. He likely may share the same feelings with you, and will feel
much more able to express his feelings if he knows he’s not the only one that is experiencing them. This can lead to a conversation about the decisions you may need to make
together concerning your choices for the pregnancy. Are you leaning toward abortion,
adoption, or parenting?
5. Focus on your relationship
It’s your relationship with the father that may be one of the most important factors to the
outcome of this conversation. How long have you been together? How long would you
like to stay together? How will the decision you make about your pregnancy affect your
relationship, if at all? It’s important to highlight the strengths about your relationship, and
emphasize how confident you are that you two can make the right decision together.
6. Give him time to react.
Don’t expect any solid answers during the conversation. It’s likely that he may be
grappling with fear, excitement, anger, blame, and shock, or any mixture of these. Let him take time
to think to himself, talk to loved ones, or become informed about possible decisions. Let
him decide what kind of role he wants to take in this situation, and ask that you meet
again soon to talk about what he has decided.
If his emotional reaction during the beginning of the conversation is too much to handle,
you can give him time there to react before continuing on in your conversation. Try not to
take anything he may say in the moment too seriously, as it may be coming out of
shock. Instead, continue your conversation at a later time when emotional reactions
have cleared and you can engage in a rational conversation with him.
7. Make a decision together, if you can.
It may become clear after your conversation which direction you might be leaning in
terms of your options for pregnancy. We suggest becoming informed on all of your
options before leaping into one.
Our office is open weekly for free consultations, and we would love to walk through all the options with you and your partner, discuss your fears and concerns, and help you to make an informed decision.
No matter how he reacts to the news, please remember you don’t have to go through this alone. It is our goal to support and encourage you on your pregnancy journey, and our office is always available to help.